Till Death Do Us Part
by GraveDancer
Summary: An epic AU MerDer fanfic that spans year and years. Cross posted on the GA fanfic board. The name is stoen from Till Death do us Part by Skylar Blue but that's not that important. Completely MD.
1. Chapter 1

**Quick introduction as I forgot to put it at the beginning of my first chapter…**

**This fic actually starts with my one shot fic Love is An Elevator, although slightly rewritten. It's the continuation of that fic. So the first chapter is going to be really familiar to some, although I still suggest reading it as it's rewritten and I feel better than the original. **

**As for this fic…it's kind of like the movie A Lot Like Love. Mainly that at the start they're separated and keep running into each other so it jumps years at a time. But unlike that movie this fic goes further than that.**

**And I already have the first nearly 50 chapters of this written so I'll try to get an update in a night until this is all caught up.**

**PS. This fic posted here is dedicated to Savvy…as she's been wanting to know for ages when I was going to post this here.**

**PPS. I don't own Grey's.**


	2. Chapter 2

Elelvators. It took a lot of things to make a hospital run, but elevators were the most important. Elevators got everyone from point A to point B. They got you where you needed to go. Elevators were more efficient than the stairs. They were in more convenient places. Yes, it was elevators that made the hospital function.

And Derek Shepherd had always had a thing for elevators.

They were tiny and quiet. They were a tiny quiet place that you could have all for yourself. And when you grow up with four older sisters and were the only man in the house you learn to have an appreciation for anywhere that's tiny and quiet.

So Derek snuck away and found himself an elevator. Because he didn't want to be in Seattle, it was the last place he had ever wanted to be. Derek Shepherd was born and raised in Manhattan, Manhattan was where he belonged. He was genetically engineered to dislike anywhere but Manhattan. So he needed somewhere tiny and quiet. And alone.

Except for today he wouldn't be alone.

The elevator he had chosen was already occupied. By a tiny young thing, dressed all in back, with brilliant pink hair, frowning.

She was beautiful in all her anger.

Meredith Grey hated elevators. She despised the stupid things. Because she didn't use elevators, no where she went had elevators. Except for when she went to see her mother at work, that always meant elevators, a very long elevator ride to the surgical floor. Where she was bound to be met with dissaproval, dissapointment and any other dis-whatever that her brilliant mother could create for the occassion. Elevators meant she as going somewhere she didn't want to be.

Today was no different.

Until he stepped on.

Him with the faded blue jeans, the tight white tshirt, the leather jacket, the peircing blue eyes. And all the perfect hair.

"Hey," Derek greeted her, his voice softer than she expected.

"Hi," Meredith answered, biting her bottom lip to keep from smiling. Meredith Grey did not smile.

"I'm Derek," he greeted sticking out his hand, obviously expecting to have it shook.

Meredith did. She found herself surprised at the warmth the hand offered, and even more surprised at the tiny shocks that ran through her body. "Meredith," she introduced herself, forgetting to bite back the smile this time.

Something about her smile drew him in. "So what brings you here?" Derek asked, shoving his hands awkwardly in his pockets, not even sure why he was talking. He got on this elevator with no intentions of talking, he had come here wanting quiet. But Meredith made him want to talk. He wanted to stand here and talk to her.

"Visiting my mother," Meredith told him, wincing slightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Derek quickly put in.

"What? Oh, she's not sick, she works here, she's a surgeon," Meredith corrected him.

"Oh," Derek nodded. He didn't even know what to say next. It has been years since he had tried to strike up and easy conversation with a girl he didn't know but was completely enthralled by. Even when he had been in practice he had never been really good at this part. He had no clue what to say to the beautiful pink haired creature standing beside him, but he knew he didn't want to stop talking.

'You're not from around here are you?" Meredith asked, surprised to hear her own voice. She didn't do guys. Actually correction, all she did was guys, but she usually skipped the talking to guys bit. Usually it was just the drinking with and sleeping with part she did. But for some reason she didn't want to fall into silence with Derek.

"How could you tell?" Derek asked her, giving her a small half smile that made Meredith's knees feel a little weak. Not that that was possible, Meredith wasn't a cheesy romance novel.

"Accent, definitely not a Boston accent," Meredith nodded.

"New York," Derek offered.

"Oh, what brings you to Boston?" Meredith was curious. Meredith was never curious about anything.

"I'm an intern," Derek told her.

An intern, as in right out of med-school. As in at least eight years her senior. As in going to be a doctor. Meredith's eyes swept his tiny but muscular frame again, the frame covered by denim and leather. He didn't look like he belonged in scrubs. "You're a doctor? You don't look like a doctor," she said, thinking of everything he did look like. Bad boy. Heartbreaker. Underwear model.

"So my mother keeps telling me," Derek said, bringing an adorable tiny giggle from Meredith. Derek found the giggle even more enchanting than her smile. "Apparently a guy can't be a doctor and ride a motorcycle."

"You have a motorcycle?" Meredith asked, even more intrigued by the man standing beside her.

"I have a motorcylce," Derek nodded his head, feeling a little cocky about his very cool mode of transportation.

"I'm impressed," Meredith nodded. "And pleasently surprised."

"I'm good at surprising people," Derek said winking at her. He didn't usually act like this, it had been years since he had acted like this, much to the annoyance of his best friend. This was high school Derek, truly happy Derek. It had been a long time since he felt as happy as he did on this elevator ride, had felt as much as peace with who he was.

"I'm sure you are," Meredith said giggling some more.

"So are you," Derek informed Meredith.

"What? Me? I'm not surprising...I'm just..." Meredith trailed off, not sure what to say. No one had ever called her surprising before.

"You look angry at the world and yet you smile and giggle," Derek told her.

"I..I...the smiling and the giggling thing, it's not me. At least it's not a me I've ever met before. I am...me, I'm the dark and twisty chick, just you, you make me giggle," Meredith answered looking down at the floor as she rambled on.

"I like the giggling," Derek said honestly. "And the rambling. And the pink hair. I like you."

Meredith smiled and blushed. Meredith Grey did not blush. Of course Meredith didn't usually get complimented by hot older doctors. They fell into a comfortable silence that was only cut off by the elevator doors pining open at the floor Derek was supposed to get off on. He ignored it.

"So are you an intern here?" Meredith asked, surprised to hear the tone of hope in her voice.

"No, I work in New York," Derek answered, surprised to hear the tone of sadness in his voice. "I'm here on a field trip."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, trying not to sound too dissapointed in the relevation."Interns go on field trips?"

"I guess so," Derek shrugged. Something about this part of the conversation was upsetting him. It felt too much like a return to reality. Because for a few minutes he had wanted to pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist. Just him, Meredith and this elevator. Silence fell over them as they reached the floor Meredith had planned to get off on, but just like Derek she ignored it.

"So are you going to become a surgeon?" Derek asked, breaking the silence.

"No," Meredith said, shaking her head quickly and scrunching up her nose. "No offence Der, but I don't even like doctors.

Der. No one had ever called him that before. He was always Derek or Shepherd, sometimes Shep, but never Der. He liked it. He smiled at her. "You'd like me if you got to know me,"

"Really?" Meredith asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow in his direction.

"Oh yes," Derek nodded.

"It's a shame we'll never know. Since you have to go back to New York and all," Meredith said shrugging.

"It's sad...really," Derek agreed, watching in dread as they worked their way back towards the floor he knew he had to get off on. "I have to go this time, really go. My attending is probably looking for. And my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Meredith said, dissapointment filling her voice.

Derek wanted to to deny it. He wanted to run off the elevator and go find Addison and end things, just so he could deny it. Because Meredith, there was something about Meredith that made him ache to be single and move to Boston. Something about Meredith made him feel like he was himself and he didn't want to lose that feeling again. But he had a girlfriend. "Yeah, she's umm..." Derek said, not knowing what to say.

"Does she ride a motorcylce too? Wear leather jackets?" Meredith asked, needing to know more about this girl that had stolen Derek from her.

Derek laughed at the image of perfect preppy Addison on the back of his bike. "No, god no. I think she'd pay someone to destory my bike and throw out the jacket."

Meredith frowned slightly, chewing her bottom lip again. Something about the way she chewed her bottom lip was sexier than anything Addison had ever done. "Oh, I didn't take you for the type."

"What type?" Derek asked, confusion masking his perfect features.

"The type to be with someone who's trying to change you," Meredith told him, proud of the fact she had managed to hate a girl she had never even met.

"I'm not," Derek argued.

"We'll see," Meredith giggled gently.

Derek noticed they were a floor away from returning to the real world, full of medical equipment, teachers that defintely weren't going to be pleased with him and girlfriends with questioning looks. He didn't want that reality. "Can I have your number?"

"You have a girlfriend," Meredith gasped, her eyes widenning.

He rolled his eyes, smiling. "Can I have your number?"

"You live in New York," her beautiful green eyes still widenned.

"Meredith, give me your number," Derek demanded.

"Fine, if you're going to be so bossy about it," Meredith said, rolling her eyes and grabbing a pen out of her bag, jotting down her number on a paper Derek had found in his pocket.

As Meredith placed the paper in Derek's hand their eyes caught, really caught for the first time since they stepped onto the elevator. Derek was sure he saw the air crackle between them. He didn't even know what this was that was happening, but something about Meredith felt different than anything ever had before. And it was a different that he could definitely get used to, an amazing different. Without thinking he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against hers before immediately pulling back. It was barely enough to be considered a kiss but it was something.

And if left shocks going through both of their bodies.

"Nice meeting you, Derek," Meredith said, a shy smile on her face as the elevators doors opened.

"Nice meeting you, Meredith, " Derek said as he stepped off the elevator. "Expect to hear from me."

Meredith leaned back against the wall as the elevators door shut closed behind him. Maybe she didn't hate elevators. Didn't despise them all. They were small, and tiny and when you were only on with one other person they forced conversation. Maybe elevators were okay. Something about love filtered through her brain but that was impossible. Meredith didn't fall head over heels in love at first sight. She wasn't one of those girls that did the romance novel thing. But she loved elevators.

Derek all but skipped down the hall trying to find his attending. He needed to get a transfer, he needed to end things with Addison. Because Derek had a feeling the moment he saw her pink hair and the second he had gazed her lips he knew. Meredith was it for him. He was a guy, he didn't believe in love at first sight, guys weren't supposed to believe in that kind of stuff. But right now he did, because with Meredith everything felt like something else. God, he loved elevators.

_Cause true love takes a miracle to find, I guess that I've been blessed, cause I've got you by my side._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Isaiah Washington has said some not so nice things about Patrick Dempsey recently. If I owned Grey's I'd be with Patrick, doing everything in my power to cheer him up. And I do mean everything.**

**Sorry this took a while to go up, I've been busy with 3D life and other stuff in Grey's life. So it's taken a bit to actually get around to posting it but I'm doing it now. And as this fic jumps in time, I just want to say we're currently in 1990, I will let you know when the time switch happens. This update is nearly right after the first one.**

**Enjoy!**

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Derek was on cloud nine. Or at least it must be cloud nine but somehow it felt higher than that. A lot higher.

Stepping onto an elevator had officially changed his life. This had to be the most absurd story of his life and he had a lot of absurd ones. But this topped them all. Derek had stepped onto an elevator and everything had changed. It didn't even seem right or real. Less than an hour before he had been in one place, and then one moment and everything had changed. Now he was somewhere entirely different.

"Man, what the hell is up with you?" his best friend Mark said from beside him.

"Nothing, Mark, absolutely nothing is wrong," Derek smiled at him. And for once the words felt entirely honest, absolutely nothing was wrong.

"You've been whistling like a god damn idiot since you re-appeared. I'm ashamed to call you my friend," Mark told him, disgust in his voice.

"You shouldn't be ashamed," he told him, still smiling. "I'm happy. There's nothing wrong with being happy."

"Did you get laid? When you dissapeared did you find some action with some hot nurse? I swear I won't tell Addison," Mark tried to beg for some reason for the insane happiness.

"You're pathetic," Derek told him, rolling his eyes as he picked up my pace to catch up with the rest of the group, hoping that Mark would let the subject go. Because Mark wouldn't understand it. Mark was a man whore, he still lived in the college world of love em and leave em. He wouldn't understand a girl with pink hair and an elevator ride changing your life.

"No, seriously, man, what's with the skipping?" Mark asked.

"I had a...moment," Derek shrugged.

"That sounds vaguely dirty," Mark said smiling.

"A life changing moment," Derek shrugged again, realizing how silly the words sounded as soon as they were off his lips. But they were true. He had already talked to Dr. Webber about putting a transfer through, steps were already being taken.

"We're not friends anymore, Shep," Mark shook his head with disgust.

Derek grabbed Mark's arm and held him in spot, not allowing him to move up with the rest of the group. "I met someone," Derek told him.

"So it was hot sex with a nurse," Mark laughed.

"No, not like that. I met...someone. And it was big and now, now I think I'm moving here," Derek said, an excited smile on his face. He felt like a little boy on Christmas.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Mark asked in a harsh whisper.

"I don't know, I honestly don't know. But with Meredith everything felt...right. I need to be with her. I need to be here," Derek said, turning a little red with embarassement. Even in his own happiness he knew he didn't sound manly. He sounded like the stupid romance novels the rest of his family read. He didn't sound like Derek, not right now.

"What you need is a good fuck," Mark tried to reason. "Go tell Addison to meet you in an on call room or something."

"Mark, that's not...she's not Meredith. I thought I loved her but she's not Meredith," Derek tried to tell him.

"Derek, what's wrong with you? You talked to this girl for five minutes and now you're thinking of throwing away your life for her? No girl is that hot," Mark said, and then he walked away.

On some level Derek knew Mark was right. He knew nothing about Meredith, nothing at all besides the fact her mother was surgeon in the hospital. He didn't even know her last name. And she wasn't his type, not his usual type, with all the black and the pink hair. And she was far too young for him. He shouldn't have any hold on him. He knew that. And yet, she had this hold. A strong strong hold. And somehow that hold was enough to look over everything he didn't know. Derek knew it was the most irrational thing he had ever done. But what he had told Mark was the truth, he needed to be here. Everything inside him told him that.

Okay, maybe Mark's right and I am this sad pathetic guy, Derek thought to himself as he shook his head.

"Shep!" Dr. Webber's yell broke into his thoughts.

"Yes, sir?" Derek asked, watching his teacher approach him.

"I talked to the chief here about a possible transfter," he started, a frown on his face.

"And?" Derek shuffled in nervousness.

"They currently have no positions opened for any more interns," Webber shook his head. "But he will keep your name and will call you if anything opens up."

"Oh, okay," Derek said, nodding his head, feeling everything deflate out out of him. "Thank you, sir."

"No problem, Shep. Although I must say, I'm glad to hear that you're stuck with us," Dr. Webber laughed, as he headed off in the opposite direction.

Derek stood there for a moment, feeling dissapointment like never before. He watched as Mark and Addison walked along talking casually. Up until earlier that day he had thought he belong there, with them. But after that one elevator ride everything had changed. Everything. And now he knew he didn't belong here, he didn't belong in New York City with these people. He belonged in an elevator. And somehow that decision of being there had been taken away from him.

Derek was stuck in New York.

And he hated it.

_Love will you lead you back to my arms where you belong._

**So that's what happened after the elevator. Because it's silly and insane but after a relatively short elevator ride Derek was ready to throw everything away for Meredith. Because with her everything felt right and perfect and everything he wanted. So now he looks at the rest of his life, the one he's officially stuck with it and it all sucks in comparisson. He thought he was was happy and then there was Meredith and she changed everything. Sigh**

**And I might update later tonight, definitely tomorrow.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: At this point I think it's a well known fact around the world that I am most definitely not the owner of Grey's Anatomy.**

**Sorry this took a while to get up...I've been busy with work and other writing and stuff. So things got delayed but it's here now. And this update is the exact same day as the last two, except for it's Meredith's aftermath instead of Derek's.**

**Enjoy!**

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"Someone alert the media, Meredith Grey is smiling," her friend Alex said as she walked into his house later that night to meet the rest of her friends for their usual Friday night pizza.

"I'm not smiling," Meredith argued, trying to force her mouth into her usual scowl and failing miserably.

"You kind of are," Izzie cut in.

"I am not," Meredith argued, plopping down on the couch between the two of them.

"What happened, Mer?" George asked, from his spot on another chair.

"Nothing happened, I just feel like smiling," Meredith shrugged. "Is the pizza on it's way?"

"Uh..uh..uh...no subject changing," Cristina said, walking into the room. "What the hell happened to you?"

Meredith looked at her friends, who were all staring at her, questions in their eyes. Meredith wasn't even sure why they were all friends. High school was supposed to be about cliques, about sticking to your own kind. And yet, here in George's living room sat a cross section. Alex the jock, Izzie the cheerleader, Cristina the brain, George the mathlete and Meredith the angry girl with pink hair. Who right now was the smiling girl with pink hair.

"It's a guy right? What's his name? Is he cute? Does he go to our school?" Izzie asked excitedly.

"Dude, we know everyone at the school. Mer knows everyone at the school," Alex said rolling his eyes.

Cristina looked over at Meredith to find her smile even more apparent, "It is a guy. A guy did this to you," Cristina said, rolling her eyes.

"Meredith? Details we need details," Izzie begged.

Meredith assumed she could just stand there and they'd complete a story on their own, but she might as well give them something. "It's nothing. Entirely nothing, I just...it was some guy on the elevator at the hospital. He probably won't even call."

"Wait...you gave a guy your number?" Cristina asked.

"You don't give guys numbers," Izzie jumped in.

"You give guys drunken sex, not phone numbers," Alex finished.

"Well, we were on an elevator and there was no alcohol. And Derek, the guy, he was nice and...nice. There was, it as something about him. He's not...he's not like other guys," Meredith smiled widly.

"Oh god, I'm going to puke," Cristina said rolling her eyes.

"Oh Mer, what's he like?" Izzie gushed.

And for once Meredith almost felt like gushing back. "He's Derek. He's an intern..."

"One minute? An older man and a doctor?" Cristina asked her, cutting her off. Meredith nodded. "Okay, now I'm impressed. And interested."

"He's visiting from New York. And he's...he's different. He's not...he's just...I really don't know. Just when I was with him, things felt better. Everything felt better," Meredith sighed.

"He destroyed you in a five minute elevator ride," Crisitna rolled her eyes.

"I'm not, I'm not destroyed. I'm not going to turn into Izzie. It's just Derek is different. I don't know...I have no idea what it was. There was the leather jacket and the motorcycle and yet he was smart and kind of great. But it wasn't just that. It was...I don't know," Meredith sighed again. Meredith sighed a lot all the time, it just usually wasn't a happy sound.

"Are you sure he's legit?" Alex asked, sounding worried. "A doctor in leather?"

"Yes, I'm sure he's legit," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Mer, you should be careful. You don't really know anything about him," George warned.

"It's not like I went home with the guy," Meredith complained.

"Which is a first," Cristina laughed. "But still leave it to Mer to hook up with a hot older doctor on an elevator. He was hot, right?"

"Gorgeous," Meredith giggled.

"Did you just giggle?" Crsitina asked, looking at her strangely.

"Okay, Derek destroyed me. The man destroyed me. Five minutes alone with him and he destroyed me," Meredith groaned. "It's not like he's going to call."

"Why wouldn't he?" Izzie asked looking confused.

"He's a doctor. He's at least 8 years older than me. He rides a motorcycle. He has a girlfriend. He lives in New York. He was just being nice. Trust me, the list goes on. But to sum it up, no hot doctor from New York who's dating some gorgeous blone barbie - no offence,Izz - is going to call me, the angry high school girl with the pink hair," Meredith said.

"Wow, you managed to find the most unattainable guy in the world," Cristina laughed.

"Tell me about it," Meredith replied bitterly.

"You don't know Mer. He asked you for your number, anything could happen," Izzie smiled.

"Not to me. Hot guys with motorcycles don't happen to me," Meredith moaned.

"There is not enough testosterone in this room, and far too much estrogen," Alex said. "And I'm hungry, where the hell's the food?"

_One day you will find me again, it won't be long._

**There's not much I can say about this chapter. Meredith is all smiles and giggles because of meeting Derek but she's Meredith so she's not letting herself believe that anything could actually come of this meeting. But just being with him for five minutes mader her really amazingly happy. Which for a 17 year old Meredith, that's a big thing. **

**And I will try to get the next chapter up sometime tonight.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: According to ABC media net the first episode of the season involves Cristina getting back from her honeymoon, that she took with Meredith. If I owned the show Meredith would have gone with Derek. Because they would have gotten married on the finale. But that's just me.**

**Sorry this has taken eons to get up. My summer has been crazy with friends doing stuff and just stuff in general. Yes, very busy summer. So I keep getting side tracked but here it is! Yay! We're in the same year as the last one...but obviously three weeks later. So yeah..**

**Enjoy!**

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Expensive things surrounded Derek. Fancy furniture filled the room, the couch he sat on was comfortable but too expensive to actually get comfortable on. The room was beautifully decorated and had the perfect view of the city. Most interns didn't live like this, but Addison did. And as Derek closed his eyes, the room around his dissapeared. He hated the room. So he pictured the elevator and the girl with pink hair that weeks later he still couldn't get out of his head.

He looked at the phone sitting beside him and contemplated calling her. Addie wouldn't mind the long distance call, she never did.

But it had been three weeks of not picking up the phone. After Derek had found out that he couldn't stay in Boston he hadn't really seen the point of calling her. Talking to her again would just hurt, it would be a reminder of what he so desperately wanted. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Just like he hadn't ended things with Addison. He couldn't have Meredith, Meredith was a non-option. So he just stayed, it wasn't settling, it was comfortable and it was good.

Meredith was perfect for him, it had taken 5 seconds to know it, but she wasn't here. Calling her wouldn't change that.

"Okay, I'm nearly ready to go," Addison said, entering to room, running a brush through her red hair. Derek used to think he liked her red hair, not it just felt predictable, usual.

"No hurry," Derek shrugged.

"What's wrong?" Addison asked, her voice sounding distant as it came from the washroom.

"Nothing's wrong," Derek said, ruffling his own hair. "I'm fine."

"Derek, I'm not an idiot. Ever since we got back from Boston something has been off. What the hell happened?" Addison demanded.

"Nothing happened in Boston," Derek liked easily. Everything had happened in Boston.

"So you stopped being happy right after we left Boston for no reason at all?" Addison said, coming back into the living room and raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'm happy," Derek said in an entirely unhappy voice.

"No you are not," Addison said, as she slipped on her heels. "I can take it, I'm a big girl."

"Addie, it's nothing, I'm just tired," Derek responded, not looking at her.

"Derek, that's a lie. We've been interns for six months, and only for the past three weeks have you appeared to be some miserable excuse for a human being. Even Mark's noticed," Addison sighed, walking around the couch to stare me down. She had a stare like no other.

"Nothing is going on, everything's the same," Derek answered looking at his fancy shoes. He hated those shoes, and found himself wondering if he had ever noticed that before. In the past three weeks he had found himself noticing those kind of things. He wasn't living a life he had ever figured on. A middle class boy on a motorcylce didn't belong in upscale New York apartments. Derek shifted uncomfortalby in his suit, knowing he preferred his leather jacket. The kid who dreamed of saving lives didn't belong in a suit waiting to go to some boring party with his girlfriend's parents.

He belonged in Boston.

But there was no place there.

"Derek, you're not going to pout all night, are you?" Addison asked, sounding annoyed.

"No, no, I'll be fine," Derek said, trying to smile.

"Derek," Addison sighed. "I just want you to be happy. And if you're not, well I want to know. I don't want to be the reason for this."

"You're not," Derek answered.

"Really? I'm not the reason you asked to be transfered to Boston?" Addison asked.

Derek's head snapped up and he met Addison's eyes for the first time since she had entered the room. "You know about the transfer?"

"I know about the transfer," she nodded. "Webber let it slip today, he didn't know I had no idea. What are you trying to run from, Derek?"

"Nothing, I'm not trying to run. It's just..." Derek trailed off. "Boston, things felt good in Boston, I liked Boston."

"But Derek, you love New York," Addison argued, sounding confused.

"I thought I did," Derek nodded. "I just, I felt like I needed a change. The second I got to Boston, it felt right. And I wanted to be there."

"And now that it didn't work out?" Addison questioned.

"Now...nothing. It was a crazy urge, I'm happy here. I am," Derek said, not sure which one of them he was trying to convince.

"Are you sure?" Addison asked.

"Of course I am," Derek nodded. And he was. Because he couldn't be in Boston with the pink-haired Meredith. He was here, in New York, with Addison. This was his life, and Derek didn't pout, he didn't pity himself. He accepted things, he made whatever it was he had work. And this was it.

Addison opened her mouth to respond but suddenly looked down at her legs and her mouth dropped open. "Crap, my nylons have a run. I have to go change," she exclaimed, running out of the room, cursing under her breath.

And then Derek was alone with the phone again.

He had asked Meredith for her phone number, he had suggested that he was going to call. And he had fully planned on calling. He had thought he'd call with news of moving to Boston, of ending things with his girlfriend and ask her for a tour of the city. Offer her a ride on the motorcyle. Any number of bad first dates. He was going to call. And then life got in the way.

He still owed her the call to explain what happened. Even if it hurt. He owed her that call.

And if he needed to find happiness again in New York he needed to hear her voice one last time.

Without another thought he looked towards the closed bedroom door and picked up the phone, quickly dialing the number I had mermorized even though I had never dialled it before. My stomach clamped in a knot as I listened to the ringing on the other side.

She had to answer.

_I just wanna be close to you, and do all the things you want me to._

**So yeah...that's Derek's life. He's not happy with it. But it's his life, and he's dealing with it the only way he can. Because going back to Meredith isn't an option at this point. He's stuck in this kind of miserable life with a woman he thought he loved...until Meredith was there and showing him something different. And now he needs to hear her one more time before he can give that up...**

**I'll hopefully get an update up tomorrow. **

**Read. Love. Review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: My back hurts. If I owned Grey's Anatomy it wouldn't hurt. Because Patrick Dempsey could give me a massage. Not that I know if he's actually good at them or not. But in my mind...there's nothing he's not good at.**

**Sorry this took a couple of days to update. I've been busy with work and family and stuff, but it is being update now. Yay! And this is the last chapter of this year and then it will jump in time to another year. And I will explain that better next chapter. So yeah...**

**Enjoy!**

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_Meredith, this is Derek. Derek Shepherd. You probably don't remember me, but we met on an elevator a few weeks ago. I should have called earlier, I know I should have called earlier. I didn't forget about you. But the things is...I tried to move to Boston. I asked for a transfer but there was no space. So I'm stuck, here without you. I just thought...I wanted you to know I tried. And that...I miss you. We only talked to 5 minutes and I miss you. I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met. So umm...don't forget about me. Maybe we'll meet again _BEEP

Meredith stared at her answering machine. It had been three weeks since she had been on the elevator with him, since they had shared a quick kiss. She had given up hope of ever hearing from him. And now this. A message saying that he missed her. Not only that he missed her but in the most cheesy way possible.

"Was that McDreamy?" Cristina asked looking at the machine.

"McWho?" Meredith asked, looking at her friend like she had grown a second head.

"McDreamy, the guy from the elevator," Cristina sneered. "Keep up, Mer, I gave him the nickname about two weeks ago."

"Oh," Meredith said, frowning at the machine. She usually just deleted messages but she couldn't bring herself to delete this one. She'd want to listen to it later. Over and over again. Because guys didn't talk to her like that. People didn't miss her. People didn't try to move to be with her. "How do you know he's dreamy?"

"Maybe because you haven't stopped talking about how dreamy he is," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"I have not been..." Meredith started but trailed off at the very pointed look Cristina was giving her. Maybe she had been talking about him quite a bit, but that wasn't her fault. It wasn't. She wasn't used to have anything to make her happy, to make her forget about ther beyond crappy home life. A hot doctor who obviously was into her was something. And she wanted to hold onto it.

"However after that phone message I may want to change it to McCheesy...I'd miss you even if we'd never met...seriously? Who says that?" Cristina asked.

"I thought it was cute," Meredith smiled.

"Who are you? I want my best friend back," Cristina said, falling back onto Meredith's bed.

Meredith ignored her over dramatic friend and headed towards her closet, looking for something to wear to the party tonight. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her usual black clothes hugging her slight curves, her pink hair framing her smiling face. Meredith still wasn't used to that smile, but thoughts of Derek always conjured it up. She was happy, Derek made her happy. Just a phone call, just him calling to say he missed her, it made her happy.

"Mer, please don't start acting all girly on me," Cristina begged, catching Meredith studying herself in the mirror.

"I'm not," Meredith argued moving to look at the clothes in her closet.

"Next thing I know your hair is going to be blonde again and you'll stop wearing black," Cristina complained.

"No. He likes the pink hair," Meredith made a face. "At least I think he likes the pink hair. I like the pink hair."

"Fine, the hair stays. Thank god, but this smiling all the time thing. Meredith, he's a guy. A stupid guy. Who is in New York working on becoming a doctor. Nothing is about to happen, he can't maintain long distance with his schedule. McDreamy isn't a McOption. So the smiling thing, shouldn't you be angrier or something?"

"Probably," Meredith said, pulling on a black skirt.

"Good," Cristina nodded.

"But I'm not, I can't be. Trust me, I've tried. I wanted to be me about this...cynical, down trodden, expecting the worst, but I can't," Meredith shrugged.

"You the worst," Cristina pointed out.

"No I didn't. He called. He tried. That's good," Meredith giggled. "That's really good."

"Holy crap...did you just make an optimistic comment? Please tell me I heard wrong," Cristina begged.

"Derek makes me feel...I don't know...I'm just...it's just...This isn't me. I'm not this girl, I know that. I do. But Derek...everything...when I hear his voice, stand near him, my life feels different. Not so dark and twisty," Meredith shrugged.

"I do not know how you fall in love in a five minute elevator ride," Cristina said, sounding skeptical. Not that Meredith expected anything less.

"I don't know," Meredith answered. "And I didn't say it was...it's just...I honestly don't know."

Cristina sighed and rolled her eyes. Meredith had officially become one of them, one of those hopeless people that would never come back to her side of the debate. She was alone now. "Come on, Mer. At least finish getting dressed so we can go to the party. You can get drunk and hook up with some guy, maybe you'll feel more normal."

"I don't think I want to," Meredith whispered.

"What?" Cristina asked shocked.

"I want to go the party," Meredith said quickly. "And drunk...drunk is definitely good. Just the some guy...I don't think I want to."

"Meredith, you can't have Derek," Cristina unnecesarily pointed out.

"I know," Meredith frowned slightly. "It's just...not tonight. Tonight I want to...I just want to be Derek's tonight."

"Oh god," Cristina rolled her eyes, heading out of the room. "Let me guess...you'd miss him even if you never met him?"

"Maybe," Meredith giggled looking at her phone as she headed out of the room. "Wonder if he'll call again, leave me a number or something."

"This friendship is so over."

_I just want to be close to you, and show you the way I feel._

**So Meredith is happy. Really really big stupid happy. Because Derek left her a very cheesy voice mail making it very clear he wanted to be with her and would be if things were different. And Mer's all happy. Because she knows Derek exists and he wanted to be with her. And right now that's enough to make her feel like she doesn't want to be with anyone else that night. Just Derek's.**

**Will update tomorrow hopefully. **

**Read. Love. Review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show. I wish I did. God how I wished I did. Life would be so much better for everyone. Well everyone but Shonda, as she wouldn't own the show but oh well.**

**Sorry that this has taken forever. I've been busy with work and friends and family and stuff. But it is finally here now. And to let you know...it's now skipped time. The last chapters were in 1990...we're now in 1993. So yeah, that's the main thing to know about this update. Everything else will be filled in in the chapter. **

**Enjoy!**

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"You know they have proffesionals for this kind of stuff," Derek groaned as he lifted another heavy box from the back of the truck.

"But than I wouldn't have had an excuse to see my two favourite brothers," Natalie laughed from where she stood holding the door open for Mark.

"He's just complaining because he knows I look better carrying the heavy shit," Mark joked, walking past Natalie and into her new house, located right in downtown Boston.

"I'm not complaining," Derek complained rolling his eyes. "But I came out here to see my baby sister, not to lug stuff around."

"You knew you were coming out here to lug heavy stuff around," Natalie replied, matching Derek's eye roll with one of her own. "I think you've been hanging around Addison too long. Afraid you're going to break a nail?"

Derek just groaned as he entered the house. Natalie had called him a few weeks ago, begging him and Mark to take the weekend off to help her move into her first home. Because apparently her two older brothers, as unofficial as one was, was cheaper than an actual moving company. And apparently she missed them. And Derek had always had a problem saying no to his youngest sister, it just wasn't in him. So he took a weekend off, even though he was busy with him and Mark were both busy with their residencies. He took a weekend off and came to help.

"Honestly, guys, I can't thank you enough," Natalie gushed looking around her house that was now full of boxes.

"It's no problem," Derek shrugged, falling onto the misplaced couch they had moved in their earlier.

"I needed a change of scene for the weekend," Mark sighed.

"Already slept with all the women in New York, Markie?" Natalie teased laughing.

"Hell no, there's still tons of women waiting to take a ride on the Mark Sloan express," Mark laughed. "But I thought I could throw in a Boston woman or two while I'm here. Keep things interesting."

"You're an idiot," Derek sighed.

"You're boring," Mark argued back.

"At least I'm not an STD factory," Derek grinned.

"At least I'm not an old married man at 28," Mark laughed.

"I'm not married," Derek pouted.

"Pratically," Mark said, disgust in his voice. "How long has it been since you even thought of another woman?"

Derek pushed himself off the couch and headed towards the washroom, not answering the question. It had been five minutes, five minutes since he had thought of another woman. He wanted to blame his constant thoughts of her on the fact he was back in her city, where they had met and where he had nearly moved. It had been three years since he had come here on that field trip, and still he thought of her constantly. She was always in the back of his mind, sometimes at the most inopportune moments but she was always there.

He didn't even try to forget about her.

He picked up his sister's phone that he had plugged in earlier to phone home and checked his messages.

_"Hey Der, it's me. Because I haven't heard from you in about a month. And I'm freaking out here, which I know I shouldn't be. We don't talk often, we never have. Your busy. You're a doctor, you have to save lives and whatever. But ummm...I miss you. There I said it. I miss you. I miss hearing your voice on my machine, because we never have a real conversation, but well, I like hearing your voice. But I'm not freaking out. I just thought I'd call and say I umm...miss you. _BEEP.

Derek laughed gently into the phone. She never called him. Ever. In the last three years, after he had finally remembered to leave his number in a message, she had maybe called 10 times. And only when something major happened, like when she had gotten into Dartmouth. Or when her and that ass she had been dating, Finn, finally had broken up. She never called like that just to say she missed him. He missed her. Even though they never talked, they made an art of leaving messages on each other's machines. He missed her.

It felt good to know he wasn't alone in the missing.

It was summer vacation. She'd be home. He had her phone number, he knew her name. He could look her up, find her, go say hi. She'd be shocked, and hopefully pleased to see him. They missed each other. And he wondered constantly what she was like now. If her hair was still pink. If she still wore all black. He wanted to know.

'Nat, do you know where your phone book is?" Derek asked, clapping his hands as he jogged back into the room.

"The previous owners left one on the counter," Nat answered pointing towards the kitchen. "Why?"

"An old friend I want to check in on, maybe stop by, say hi," he smiled.

"Man, no. You're not. It's been three years...you can't be serious," Mark groaned.

"I have to do this," he shrugged. "I'm here, she's here. I have to see her."

"Derek, you have Addison, stop being stupid," Mark argued.

"I'm not being stupid, but she's...she's...I have to go see her," Derek said, shuffling on his feet excitedly.

"What are you two talking about?" Nat asked, looking at them both, completely confused.

"Elevator girl," Mark answered, nodding.

"Her? He's stil hung up on her?" Nat asked, scrunching up her nose.

"How does she know about Meredith? How do you know about Meredith?" Derek demanded to know.

"Mark told us," Natalie shrugged.

"Man, they had a right to know that the man of the house had fallen in love with some crazy chick on an elevator. You know...in case you acted strange in the future. Like now," Mark elaborated.

Derek shook his head in disgust at both of them. He didn't expect them to understand his connection to Meredith. He wasn't quite sure he did. He just knew after a really quick elevator ride together that she was it. And although they couldn't be together, he needed her. Some way. He just knew. So he called, and called. Even when it felt pointless, even when he had nothing to say in the message, he called. And somehow, by some strange twist of fate, she never let him down, she always proved herself to be exactly what he wanted. She always managed to fit him. He really didn't understand it.

But now, being in her city, he had to call her.

"I'm calling her," Derek said, shaking his head decidedly. "Don't bother arguing. Don't bother trying to stop me. I'm going to go see her."

_You're not, you're not mine, Ooh, what am I supposed to do?_

**So they've been talking on the phone for three years, well actually playing phone tag for three years. Sharing lives without being close to each other at all or even ever really talking. And now Derek is in Boston, Meredith's home. And she left him a message saying she missed him, which she never actually does. So he's happy to hear from her and he's there, so he wants to call her. Hehehe.**

**Hopefully will get the next one up tomorrow night, Wednesday at the latest.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: In two weeks and about umm...5 and a half hours we will be watching the season premiere. I'm scared and excited and a whole bunch of other things. If I owned the show I'd be rather blah about it as I would know what was coming.**

**Sorry this took so long guys...it's been crazy busy in my life recently with school and family and a whole bunch of other headaches. But here it is. Finally. Yay. And actually it's kind of shortish but it's pretty important so that probably makes up for the shortness. It immediately follows the last update. Which is kind of clear when you read it.**

**Enjoy!!**

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Meredith didn't answer her phone.

Derek didn't really expect her to. She never did. He always had a feeling she screened calls so she'd never have to actually talk to him, just listen to his messaged. Because she never answered her phone.

So Derek did the only thing a rational sane man would do.

He wrote down the address that was listed in the phone book and headed towards her house. Derek had no plan of attack, no idea what he was going to say. He hadn't seen her in 3 years, he hadn't actually spoken to her in three years. And yet she knew everything about him. And although he didn't know much about her, he felt like he probably knew more about her than anyone else did. And yet, they had only really ever spoken for 5 minutes. He had no idea how you'd greet someone in that situation.

He figured he's start with Hi and go from there.

Somehow he managed to find the street, and find the house. He hadn't expected it to be this easy, but it was.

And now he sat frozen in his car. It was Meredith. The girl that had been a constant in his thoughts for the past three years. Anytime he was down, stressed, overwhelmed he thought of her, conjured her up in his mind and it got him through. It was Meredith. And now he sat outside her house, closer to her than he had been in three years, and he was frozen.

How did one approach the woman that he had fallen in love with three years ago and never planned on falling out of love with?

He sat not knowing what else to do.

Suddenly the door opened and a beautiful blonde walked out. She wore jeans and a white jacket. And she looked nothing like the girl he had met on the elevator, but he knew instantly that it was her. And he fell in love all over again. Her hair had been wonderful pink, and it was something else blonde. The golden shade made her glow. She looked better wearing colours. And there was something about her eyes. Even from this distance he could tell there was less anger in them, they almost laughed in joy. He had forgotten how beautiful she was.

And then a man walked out behind her and slipped an arm around her, giving her a quick kiss.

Derek's stomach bubbled with jealousy. Meredith was his. His. She had been since the day he said hello to her on the elevator. She was his.

And yet she was with another guy. And he was with another girl.

The realization crashed over him as he drove away.

_Don't deny me, the pain I'm going through, please forgive me, if I need you like I do._

**So yes, that was rather short. But he saw her again. And she was smiling and happy and not at all like the girl he had met on the elevator but he thought she was just as beautiful. And then there's another guy making her smile. **

**Will try to update again tomorrow.**

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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show. If I owned the show my legs would be aching right now from walking picket lines all day. Instead they're aching from shopping for a friend's wedding present all day. Shopping is fun...but god I wish I was picketing.**

**So this took forever and ever and ever. Sorry. Busy life and all that jazz. But here's an update now and I will promise to update more often from now on. Things are slowing down. So this update is right after the last one...1993 still and it's setting up where Meredith's side of this story is at the moment.**

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Two months. They had been dating two months and he was driving her completely nuts. Meredith didn't do relationships.

Unless you wanted to count the phone messages that had been being left on her phone for the past three years a relationship and she never really did. It was just...phone messages.

But somehow Noah had managed to figure out a way to convince her to give a relationship a chance. She didn't even know how he did it, she hadn't been interested. At all. She had her phone calls. And within weeks she had found herself dating him. And now two months later she was annoyed.

"Mer, are you ready to go?" Noah yelled from somewhere downstairs.

"Yeah, I'll be down in a second," Meredith yelled.

Today was the day she had been planning on ending it, and then he hit her with a whole entire day planned. Including reservations and plans. She couldn't break up with him when he had plans.

She was about to head downstairs when she noticed the light on her machine flashing. "Noah, when did somebody call?"

"Oh you were in the shower, I didn't think you'd want me picking up," he yelled back.

Meredith rolled her eyes and hit the button on her machine.

_Hey Mer...it's me. I'm in town. I should have told you I was coming but didn't...I wasn't sure what would happen. But I'm here, moving my sister in and well...I wanted to see you. But apparently you're not home. So umm...I guess, I wanted to see you. I'll call again, before I leave, I'll call. I want to see you, I miss you. _BEEP.

Derek.

He had been in her head for three years. Meredith who didn't do relationships, who barely did friendships, had had one man in her head for the past three years. His voice was always welcomed on her machine. His messages, tiny small details of his life, got her through some hard college years. When she had decided to let her hair go back to blonde his voice had been in her head. When she pulled on a non-black shirt, Derek had been there.

Meredith didn't know happy, she didn't do happy. And Derek made her happy.

Derek was in Boston. After three years somehow he had managed to find himself back in Boston. Back to Meredith's city. She had wished that for once she had gotten to talk to him on the phone, that for once they would have really communicated. And then she could...see him.

"Oh, Meredith, good to see you look so excited," Noah sighed walking into the room.

"Oh..." Meredith shook her head, coming out of the Derek fog she had been in. "Yeah, excited. I'm excited."

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, watching as she started at the machine.

"What? Go where?" Meredith asked.

"Supper, remember, reservations? That stuff?" Noah gently reminded her.

"Supper?" Meredith murmured, as Noah gently grabbed her arm. "Oh,supper...yeah, I'm just...yeah."

"Who was on the phone, Meredith?" Noash asked.

"Oh, nobody. It was nobody. An old...a friend from New York. Nobody," Meredith shrugged. She had never told him about her phone calls from Derek and didn't see a point of it.

"Okay," Noah nodded and started leading her down the stairs.

Derek was going to call again, Derek was going to call again. The one thought ran through Meredith's mind again and again. She had missed his call the first time but he was going to call again. Derek. Who was in Boston. And wanted to see her. He was going to call again. And she was on the way out the door with someone she definitely didn't want to be with. Meredith knew she couldn't get out of it, but Derek was going to call. Before he left Boston and went back to New York.

She was going to miss him, miss his call.

But he called, he called and he had wanted to see her, she thought as she left the house.

"Mer, you're quiet," Noah observed as they pulled up to the restaurant after a silent car ride.

"Yeah, I was ...do you want to go to New York next week?" Meredith asked. The thought of going to find Derek had been in her head for the last 3 years. Anytime things were bad, anytime she felt overwhelmed, when she felt she needed someone, she thought about going to New York to find Derek.

And now she knew he wanted to see her.

"New York? Why?" Noah asked.

Meredith cleared her throat "Just somewhere to go,"

"Fine, we'll go to New York," Noah said.

But Meredith didn't hear him. She was too distracted from a very familiar curly haired man.

_Cause when I close my eyes, I still can see your smile._

**So there's Meredith's life, there's the guy that Derek saw her with. And there's why she was smiling on her way out of the house. It had nothing to do with Noah, nothing to do with anything but Derek and his phone call. She hates dating Noah, she loves her phone calls a whole lot more so it has her left in a very stuck place. And then all of a sudden, on the day she's planning on ending it, he plans a really big day. A day that comes to her seeing very familiar curly hair. Hehehehe.**

**If all goes well I will be updating again later tonight, if not it will be tomorrow night after work.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: The people that actually own Grey's Anatomy have stopped writing. Just as I start writing again. Which clearly shows that I don't own the show. Though I really wish I did.**

**I know it's odd but I'm updating again. Yes, so soon. Hehehe. Umm...set up is pretty simple. This update follows immediately after the last one. Like immediately...not even really a minute later. Maybe a second but that's it. So it is their big reunion.**

**Enjoy!**

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Meredith knew that hair. It was longer than when she had last seen it, but she still recognized the way it curled softly. And the way he held his head, it was familiar. His shoulder stance, everything, she recognized every single bit of him without even seeing his face.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. This was not good. She had wanted to see him. He was Derek and he was in Boston and she wanted to see him. Not now when she was with Noah. And he was with...people. This was bad. This was awkward. This was not good. She should walk by, she should just keep walking. He didn't know her as a blonde, he wouldn't notice her. Yes, she should pretend she never saw him. And then she could go to New York and call him. And the when Noah was busy she could go see Derek. Alone. Not like this. This was not good.

"Derek?" She hadn't meant to say his name, and yet it slipped out anyway.

He knew that voice. For the last three years the voice had been gracing his voice mail and now it was right behind him. He hadn't called her again, she had been with that guy, and happy. So so happy. He didn't want to disturb that. But now she was behind him. And saying his name. Now he needed to see her, talk to her again. Be with her again. He turned around slowly, knowing what to find but still his breath caught in his throat as he took her in.

"Meredith?" he smiled.

And he was out of his chairs and she was in his arms. Neither had even noticed the movement but the second they looked at each other is had just happened. It had been three years of leaving each other messages, of getting tiny little pictures of each others life. So they hugged, tightly, quickly. Enjoyed the feel of being in each other's arms for the first time ever.

"I got your message," Meredith giggled.

"Good, good," Derek nodded. "It's great to see you."

"You too," Meredith sighed, pulling away from him.

The two stood in silence for a moment, looking at each other.

He looked nearly the same, except for that his hair seemed just a little longer, just enough to make it even more sexy. But everything else, he was still the same Derek. He looked more rested, happy. He looked really good.

She looked amazing, her eyes lit up with happiness. She was glowing. He wasn't sure if it was the happiness in her that had been lacking before or just the lack of pink hair. The blonde was beautiful. She looked amazing.

"I'm Noah, Meredith's boyfriend," the guy beside her finally said.

"Oh," Meredith said, jumping slightly. "This is Derek. He's my..." Crap, crap, she didn't have any idea exactly what Derek was. "He's my friend. Yep. Friend. Derek is my friend."

Derek laughed lighty as he thread his fingers through hers and gave her hand a tight squeeze. "This is my sister Nancy, and my best friend Mark."

"Nice to meet you," Meredith smiled.

"So..." Derek sighed, laughing nervously. Had they been alone he had a feeling words would just float right out of him. But this...this was awkward.

"So..." Meredith giggled. "Why...what...Boston. You're here, in Boston. Why?"

"Nat. She's moving, Mark and I came down from New York to help her," Derek explained.

"Oh..." Meredith nodded. She looked around awkwardly. There were two strangers standing behind Derek, two people he knew well, which kind of highlighted how seperate their lives were, even though on the phone they felt so connected. And there was her boyfriend behind her, that Derek didn't even know had existed.

"Maybe we should go outside and talk," Derek suggested. "Catch up in private."

Meredith smiled and nodded at his suggestion. Alone. Alone would be good, alone would be perfect. "I'll be right back, Noah."

Noah watched confusedly as his usually depressed girlfriend giggled and followed the man out of the restaurant hand in hand.

The second they were outside lips smashed together, tongues tangled with tongues, fingers pulled at hair. Neither could remember making the concious decision to kiss. neither remembered it being in the plans and yet they did. In the middle of the sidewalk on broad daylight. It wasn't appropriate, it wasn't the way two adults should be kissing in public. It was yearning. It was passionate. It was desperate. It's what both of them had been dreaming of for three years. They kissed.

"Derek..." Meredith breathed, pulling away. "We can't...Noah..."

"Noah," Derek whispered, nodding his head. But he didn't move, he kept her against the wall, his leaning body blocking out any escape. "Do you love him?"

Meredith quickly shook her head. "No, Der...I...I can't. I don't think..."

Derek cut her off with mouth against hers again, hard and fast. "Good. That's good."

"Are you still with Addison?" Meredith asked, her fingers gently playing with his hair.

Derek nodded his head, and silently cursed Addison. And Noah. He rest his head against Meredith's, their forehead's pressed tightly together. "What the hell are we doing?"

"What? What do you mean?" Meredith asked, pulliing away.

Derek grabbed her arms gently. "Meredith...me and you...it's, hell I don't know. But it's been there since the day we met. A five minute elevator conversation and I couldn't get you out of my head. That conversation spawned a three year...something. And now we kissed like that outside a restaurant."

"Derek..." Meredith started.

"Meredith, you don't love Noah, you can't love Noah. I don't love Addison, I can't love Addison. It's been three years, three years. And I can't get you out of my head. I've tried, I've tried to get you out of my head but I can't. I just can't," Derek sighed, pulling her close and briefly kissing her. "Why are we wasting time? Why are we settling for less than what we could be?"

"Derek..." Meredith breathed.

And then Derek's lips were on hers again, full of passion, full of the plea he had just made. When he had called her had had simply wanted to see her, to say hi and to see what she looked like now, get an updated Meredith to imagine. But the second he saw her, it wasn't enough. Three years of messages hadn't been enough.

Meredith pushed him away. "Der, you have to listen. We can't...you and me...this doesn't make sense. We can't. You're a resident and I'm a college student. We don't have time for this. And we, we don't know each other Derek. If we did...if you knew me...you wouldn't...this wouldn't be happening. This can't happen. This isn't happening."

"Meredith, I want to know you, I want you to know me. I need you to know me," Derek begged.

Meredith looked at him and for a second she melted, she forgot why this was a bad idea and she melted. And then her life came crashing back down. "No, Derek, no...you don't. Just...we can't...this can't happen. It...my life is complicated and messy and no, this can't happen."

"Please..." Derek pleaded, kissing her again quickly.

"No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "No. It...we...can't. Maybe...maybe you should stop calling me."

"What?" Derek demanded, completely forgetting about his earlier plea.

"Stop calling. We...we can't be together, Derek. Us...it's a non-option. We can't be toghether. So you should stop calling, yep, definitely stop calling. Maybe it will help. With the not being able to get me out of your head. You don't want me in there, you can do better than me."

"Meredith..." Derek pleaded one last time. But Meredith had already given him one last sad smile and headed back into the restaurant. To meet the lesser man, the one she could be with.

_Friends ask how could I give myself to one who belongs to someone else._

**So they were thrilled to see each other...and everything just fell into place and they were hugging and kissing and all but confessing their love for each other. It was the world's most perfect reunion. Except for Meredith had Noah waiting for her, and Derek has Addison at home. And whatever is happening between them can't actually happen because it has no way of happening. So maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to end it than keep on the charade that random phone messages is actually enough for either of them. So Meredith ends it.**

**And I'll update tomorrow.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show. If I did Rose would not exist. Simple as that. Or maybe she would exist...as a dying patient. **

**Okay, sorry this look so uberly long to get up. My life has been crazy as of late but here is finally an update if anyone is still reading this. This update makes it clear in itself but it's been 2 years since the last update...which I think leaves us in 1995. It's been two years since they last saw each other and decided to stop talking. Of course this is Meredith and Derek and god know that wouldn't last.**

**Enjoy!**

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Derek rolled around restless, he couldn't sleep. He hadn't gotten a good night sleep in the last two years, not since he had walked out of that restaurant with one last glance at his Meredith. He had respected her request, he had stopped calling. It killed him but he had stopped. And her plan had failed, her plan had failed miserably. Even though he hadn't heard her voice in years he couldn't get it out of his head. He couldn't get her out of his head.

He sighed and looked at the red head sleeping beside him. She never noticed his restless nights; she never noticed much about what was going on in his life. Which was okay, because neither did he. He was just floating through life. In the past two years it had been like he was living someone else's life. And he was tired of it.

He went to work. He hung out with friends. He took Addison on dates. He visited family. And yet, everything felt off.

He missed Meredith constantly. He had spent maybe ten minutes of his life with her, and yet for two years he had missed her. Every minute of the day was filled with emptiness. He had picked up his phone so many times and dialed her number. But then he always hung up, remembering the desperation in her voice. Not calling was the one thing he could do.

But life without hearing her voice didn't feel like life.

The phone ringing cut into his thoughts.

"Hello," Derek mumbled, answering the phone quickly before it woke up Addison, which would only lead to complaints.

"Derek?" the voice on the other end asked. He recognized the voice immediately. Only seconds before he had been thinking of it, hearing it in his voice. It had been too long but he recognized it immediately.

"Meredith?" he asked, getting out of bed.

"Derek? It's late, it's really late there. I shouldn't have called, I don't know why I did, it's late and this was a mistake. I definitely shouldn't have called. So I'm just going to…." Meredith rambled on the other end.

"No!" Derek exclaimed, cutting her off as he headed towards the living room. For the first time he was grateful that Addison had insisted on letting her parents buy them this cordless phone that was far too expensive. "I'm awake, it's not too late."

"Oh," Meredith said, sounding awkward. "I don't know why I called. I just…I don't know, I shouldn't have."

"No, no…it's okay, I'm happy to hear from you," Derek smiled, falling back onto the expensive uncomfortable couch. He couldn't stop smiling, her voice was what he needed to hear. He had been craving it for ages. And now she had called. He was happy.

"You haven't forgotten about me? Because it's been a long time and you're a busy doctor and you probably don't really think of me. You're probably married with kids and are wondering why I'd even bother calling and this was stupid," Meredith sighed into the phone.

"Mer, relax," Derek laughed into the phone. "It's just me. Breathe."

Derek heard Meredith take a deep breath on the other end of the phone. "Breathing, Derek, I'm breathing."

"Good," Derek nodded even though she couldn't see him. "And there is no wife and there are definitely no kids."

"Oh," Meredith cleared her throat. "That's good. I mean, not that I want you not to be happy and married, but that's good."

He had missed the rambling. Everyone in New York was so pulled together, so sure of themselves. They didn't ramble. They talked in clear practiced sentences. He loved the rambling. "So what do I owe the pleasure of hearing from you?" he asked.

Meredith cleared her throat. "My mom and I…we had a fight. And I honestly don't know why I called. As I said, silly."

"What did you two fight about?" Derek asked, concerned for his old whatever she had been.

"It was silly, it was nothing," Meredith rambled and then sighed. "I'm about to graduate college. And my mom wants me to go to med school. Now. But I'm not ready for that. I want to go to Europe. That's what I want but she want med school and well, we fought."

Derek leaned back and sighed. She had told him all about her mom and their complicated relationship years ago in a rambling phone message. He knew it was tough, he knew how it made Meredith feel. And he hated it. "Go to Europe."

"Derek, it's not that easy," Meredith moaned.

"Yes it is," Derek stated. "You want Europe, you go to Europe."

"This coming from the main reason I decided to go into medicine anyway,' Meredith giggled.

"Yes. Med school can wait, Europe can't," Derek smiled.

"But…" Meredith sighed.

"What aren't you telling me?" Derek asked.

"The fight," Meredith sighed again. "It was bad, Der. Really bad. Things were said, the kind of things that definitely shouldn't be said. And well, it's bad. I'm a disappointment and I've made mistakes and she doesn't love me. Those kind of things."

"Oh Mer," Derek said gently. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your problem," Meredith whispered.

"Yes it is," Derek cleared his throat. "Do you need me? I can take a couple of days off work, come visit."

"Derek, that's silly, I just…I needed to hear your voice," Meredith told him.

Derek smiled in spite of the grave situation that had caused this phone call. He was thrilled to hear from him again, thrilled that she turned to him. "You deserve better than this, Meredith. You deserve to be happy and to live the life you want. This…you're better than this."

"Thanks, Der…you're the only…I missed you," Meredith breathed.

"I missed you too," Derek whispered. "Of course you might have considered this missing thing problem before telling me not to call."

"Derek…" Meredith warned.

"I know, I know," Derek sighed, "It didn't work."

"No it didn't," Meredith admitted.

"So what do we do now? Now that you called me out of the blue," Derek laughed softly.

"I don't know, Derek. I…and…we can't be, it's just…." Meredith trailed off. Because it had been two years and she had no idea if she still even thought of her that way. And had felt stupid the second she had even suggested he felt different. But still they couldn't.

"And why not?" Derek teased.

"It's…I'm and we…just…I don't know," Meredith sighed.

"Meredith, relax," Derek sighed. "It's a moot point as you will be in Europe. Right now there's nothing to figure out. But you're going to call me when you get home."

"I can do that," Meredith said. And even though Derek couldn't see her he knew she was nodding eagerly.

"I should get to bed," he sighed. "I have surgery early tomorrow."

"I'm sorry for keeping you up," Meredith said sheepishly.

"Don't be," Derek smiled at the phone. "I'm beyond happy to hear from you. I wish we could talk longer. I wish I could go to Europe with you. I wish…I wish a lot of things, Mer."

"So do I, Der," Meredith whispered.

"Bring me back something nice?" Derek asked.

"Of course," Meredith giggled.

"I missed you. I missed hearing your voice on my answering machine. I missed this, I missed it," Derek sighed.

"So did I, Derek. I know I was the one that stopped it, I told you not to call. But that was stupid, definitely stupid. And it failed miserably. And I missed all of this and I still feel the same anyway, so obviously it doesn't matter if we talk or not and we still can't be together because now I'm going to Europe and I'm going to stop rambling now," Meredith said.

"And you'll call?" Derek asked.

"I'll call," Meredith nodded. "Thank you."

"No problem," Derek smiled. "Goodnight Meredith,"

"Goodnight Derek," Meredith murmured.

Derek hung up at the phone and looked at it. She had called out of the blue, because she needed him and she missed him. She had called him when she felt like her life was falling apart. Because she needed to hear his voice.

"I love you, Meredith," he whispered to the phone.

In another city Meredith looked at the phone she had just hung up. She didn't even think about calling him, she just picked up the phone and the number had come naturally. Because I needed to hear his voice.

"I love you, Derek," she whispered to the phone.

_In those big green eyes I see a glow of love, I just hope that I'm the one you're dreaming of._

**So she called him. Because she needed to talk to someone and she didn't know who else to call. Actually she called him because it was the automatic response. And even though they don't know each other anymore, even though they haven't talked in years they can't get each other out of their heads and they still completely love each other. So it's a really good thing for both of them that she called. But now she's going to Europe. Because that's what she did on the show and well, Derek told her to.**

**I plan on updating again later today.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	12. Chapter 12

"Derek, why don't you just blow this off?" Addison whined.

Derek sighed as he gazed at his girlfriend sitting beside his half full suitcase. They had been having this exact argument for the past month since he had been asked to attend the conference in Boston and she hadn't been. "Callihan will kill me," Derek sighed, missing the old days of Webber.

"Come on, Derek," Addison pleaded.

"No, I'm going," Derek argued. Because Boston was Meredith.

She wasn't there. He knew that. Just under a year ago he had gotten a post card from France, assuring him that she had indeed made it to Europe, despite what her mother thought best. And that she would definitely be calling him the second she got home. Because she needed him. That was the exact wording of the post card, not just his wishful thinking.

So Boston was Meredith.

He fully planned to revisit the restaurant where they had shared their kiss, drive by her house and see if there was an activity. He just wanted to go home. And Meredith was home, and therefore Boston was home.

"You hate these things, Derek," Addison moaned.

"They're part of the job," he shrugged. Even though he knew had this conference been in any other city he would not want anything to do with it. But this was Boston, Meredith's city.

"If Webber was still here, you'd fight him tooth and nail on this," Addison pointed out.

No I wouldn't, Derek thought silently. "If Webber hadn't moved to Seattle he never would have sent me," Derek argued. He missed his mentor desperately. It wasn't the same since he had moved back to the hospital where he had started.

"Well, still….this isn't you Derek," Addison sighed.

"I'm going and that's final," he said pointedly.

"Derek, this really isn't you. At all," Addison shook her head emphatically.

"And you would know," Derek groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Well I have been your girlfriend for eight years, so yes, Derek I would know," Addison shouted.

"No you wouldn't, you have no idea who I am," Derek sighed. They fought constantly, but never about this. This was a fight Derek avoided, completely avoided. He didn't need this fight. It was pointless as it would never change. Addison didn't know him, Addison didn't want to know him. She wanted to know Derek her perfect boyfriend, not the person he really was.

That was Meredith, only Meredith wanted to know him. Really know him.

"Oh, and who are you? That stupid bike, is that the person you are? You and that stupid bike," Addison groaned.

"Seriously?" Derek said, disbelief in his voice. "You're making this fight about the bike? Seriously?"

"Derek, you're a grown man…" Addison said.

"Yes, I'm a grown man. With a motorcycle!" Derek shouted.

"Derek, you're going to have to give it up so…." Addison started.

"I'm not giving it up," Derek rolled his eyes. This fight he was far too familiar with, it was constant. Addison wanted him to give up his motorcycle for whatever reason and he refused to hear any part of it.

"….we can get married one day soon," Addison finished as if he hadn't said anything.

"Married?" That stopped him in his tracks. Because in all the crazy things Addison had said in the past marriage had never come up. They had talked about it years ago and both agreed neither wanted it.

Well Addison didn't want it. Derek just didn't want it with her.

"Yes, married Derek," Addison sighed. "Usually what couples do after being together this long."

"You said you didn't want to get married," Derek pointed out zipping his suitcase closed.

"Well people change their minds," she shrugged.

"Addison…" Derek sighed. He didn't want to marry Addison. He barely wanted to be with Addison. He needed to talk about this one. But right now he just wanted to leave, to go to Meredith's home. "I have to go."

"You don't have to," she smiled.

"Yes, I do," he nodded, picking up his bag and walking towards the door without kissing her goodbye. Without even thinking of kissing her goodbye.

"Think about it Derek," Addison murmured in from of a goodbye.

Think about it. Not that there was much to think about. Addison wasn't the one, she had never been the one. He knew who was, even though it was complicated and there was no possible way they could be together, he knew who was the one. He knew who he was in love with. They couldn't be together. At all. And he was with Addison. Marrying Addison might be sane. It would probably be the best idea. Even if he didn't love her it was who he could be with.

He wanted to be married. He wanted the family. He wanted the kids. Addison could offer him all of that.

Meredith couldn't.

_And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain._

**So Derek is missing Meredith to the point he's going to the city she's from even though she's not there just so he can be in her place. And at the same time, Addison has finally decided she wants to get married. But Derek doesn't want that with her. He wants with with Meredith who can't give it to him so maybe Addie is better than nothing. Hehehe.**

**Next update will be up immediately following this one.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith opened her eyes to the sunlight streaming through the window. She hated the sun. She knew that sounded absurd, no one hated the sun shine, but since she had returned from Europe she did. Because she didn't want to be in Boston with the sun shine, she much preferred the rainy streets of England. She was supposed to be in Europe. Not here.

Meredith rolled over and buried her head in the pillow, wincing as a sharp pain ripped through her head. She silently admitted that maybe her new hatred of the sun had something to do with her new love of tequila.

And then she felt someone beside her.

"Shit…" she murmured under her breath, turning to look at the man beside her. She slightly remembered his blonde curls from the night before. And she may have remembered kissing him and just maybe inviting him home. "Shit."

She rolled out of bed, taking one of the blankets with her and gently knocked the guy's shoulder. "Get up," she quietly urged him. "Get up."

He groaned in response.

"You have to get up," Meredith urged, louder this time.

"Come back to bed…" the nameless blonde man moaned into the pillow his head rested on.

"What? No!" Meredith shook her head quickly. "There will be no getting back to bed. You…you…you have to get out of bed."

"It's early," nameless man groaned.

"Exactly," Meredith nodded. "You need to get out."

"No," nameless man shook his head. "Come back to bed. We can finish what we started last night. Come on."

"No, we're not finishing anything. Nothing," Meredith shook her head.

"Come on, we had fun last night," nameless man argued.

"I was drunk last night," Meredith groaned. "I'm not drunk now, and you most definitely have to get out of here."

"I'm still tired. And I have a hangover," nameless man murmured.

"Not my problem," Meredith shrugged as she pulled a pair of jeans and shirt out of her clean laundry hamper. She couldn't believe she had done this again. Last time was supposed to be the last time. She wasn't this girl, this wasn't supposed to happen. She swore it wasn't going to happen again. And yet here she was, kicking another man out of her bed.

"Just give me another hour to sleep?" nameless man tried to bargain with her.

Meredith shook her head quickly. "I'm going to go take a shower, and when I get back…when I get back you won't be here."

Meredith didn't wait for a response, she just turned around and left the room, trusting that he would be gone. They always were after she pulled her trademark line. Meredith groaned quietly at the fact she had a trademark line. This wasn't the life she had imagined for herself. This was definitely not the life she would have chosen for herself. That life was…

In New York. Or here in Boston.

Anywhere where she could be with him.

Derek.

She tried not to think of him. Ever. Because she had come back from Europe and she hadn't called. She had promised him she would and then she hadn't. She couldn't. And he would understand. Because things had happened, lots of bad things. If Derek knew he would get it. He knew her and he always understood her. If she called he would entirely understand it. Everything. He was Derek.

So she didn't call. She couldn't call.

And she tried not to think about him. Ever.

Although every morning she woke up beside another man her mind immediately went to him. She didn't try to think of him, but on these mornings she couldn't. He filled her thoughts and she always found herself fighting the need to call him. She didn't even know why. It just happened. Other men made her crave the one she wanted.

Not that she could have him.

She stood under the water, trying to keep Derek from her thoughts. She wasn't going to call him. She was probably never going to see him again. It was over. She had other things she should be worrying about.

Like the fact her world was falling apart.

That was a lot better than thinking about Derek. Okay, not really, but at least it was something else. It was something tangible. Something that she had done something about. Her world was falling apart, nothing was going as planned but at least she wasn't in limbo. Thinking about what had dragged her back to America was better than thinking of the man she was in love with and couldn't be with.

Shit. Derek again.

He was probably married, she figured as she towel dried her hair. Any time she had a one night stand this was always the point of reasoning that she had hit by the point. She would always dry her hair and remind herself that she hadn't spoken to Derek in nearly a year. And by now he was probably happily married and forgotten all about her.

And then she would blink back some tears. Because somehow she had managed to loose something she had never had, and yet had meant more to her than anything else ever had.

"What are you still doing here?" Meredith yelled at nameless man as she walked back into her room. Her room was usually empty at this point in the post one night stand ritual. Actually it was always empty. But not today. Today nameless man was still laying in her bed.

"I was thinking we could go out for breakfast, spend the day together. You can rent paddle boats at the…" he started.

"Seriously? Seriously?" Meredith said, moving to pull the blankets away from him, causing him to scramble to get his clothes.

"I was just…" he started.

"You were just nothing," Meredith groaned. "I picked you up in a bar. I don't even know your name. Did you really expect white picket fences and happily ever after?"

"But..." nameless guy began to speak but Meredith just shook her head and pointed towards the door. "But…"

"I'm in love with someone else, you don't want me," Meredith explained in a huff.

"Then…" he started.

"Out. Out now," Meredith demanded.

And then he was gone. And Meredith was alone. Alone with the multitude of thoughts running through her head. These mornings made her think far too much. She had to stop them. That was it, that was her last one night stand. She couldn't do this anymore.

_Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far, did you lose yourself somewhere out there?_

**So welcome to Meredith's life. She was dragged back to America for some mysterious reason that we don't know and now she's all dark and twisty, getting drunk and sleeping around and trying her best not to think about the one she's not with and failing miserably at it. She's not happy, this isn't the life she wanted at all and yes...that's that.**

**Will probably update this again tonight.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith stared at the shot of tequila sitting in front of her. It would be her third. She could definitely handle three. Three was far below average and her head was definitely not swimming. She could easily do three shots and not take another nameless guy home. Because last night had been the last night of that, and she was sticking to it. She had to. Because she wasn't the girl that took random guys home, she couldn't be that girl.

But she could definitely handle one more shot.

There would be no men going home with her tonight. She would just keep repeating that. No matter how many shots she had she would just keep repeating that. And it's not like there were any cute guys in the bar tonight, not that she had looked. Looking was bad. She definitely didn't look.

Although there had been that guy who's hair had looked strangely like Derek's. At least from the back, it had the same dark curls. But she had looked away quickly. It wasn't Derek. Derek was in New York.

"Single malt scotch," a voice ordered from beside her.

And that's when Meredith decided to put the shot glass that was now in her hand down. Because apparently she was going crazy. Crazy would not do. Because she swore she knew that voice, and more importantly she knew the way it sent chills through her body. She knew that voice. But that voice was supposed to be in New York with Addison. That voice was in New York with Addison.

And Meredith assumed hearing Derek's voice in other men was a pretty huge sign that it was time to stop drinking.

But she looked sideways anyway.

Derek.

"De…Der..Derek?" Meredith sputtered, feeling her heart thud in her chest. This couldn't be happening. She wasn't supposed to ever see him again. Seeing him again was bad.

"Meredith?" Derek said, turning to look at her, a wide smile on his face. She was supposed to be in Europe. He had come to Boston to be close to her, but not the real actual her. This was better than he imagined.

"What are you….you're supposed to be in New York," Meredith said slowly.

"You're supposed to be in Europe," Derek replied, smiling widely.

And then she was suspiciously in his arms. She didn't remember moving and she didn't remember him moving. But they were in each other's arms. Holding on for dear life. His arms were around her in a crushing force, they were pressed as close together as possible and she didn't care. Because suddenly everything felt right again. They were hugging tightly in the middle of a very crowded bar and yet it seemed right.

"Mer, what's wrong?" Derek asked. And that's when she realized that her face was now wet with tears.

"Nothing, it's nothing," Meredith shook her head quickly, rubbing the tears away with the hand that Derek wasn't tightly grasping. "It's just…it's nothing."

Derek nodded and pulled her close again. He knew it wasn't nothing but he'd find out later what it was. Right now he just wanted to hold her. "Want to get out of here?" he whispered in her ear.

"Definitely," Meredith nodded.

They weaved through out the crowd of people that filled the bar, holding each other's hands tightly. They held onto each other like they were afraid the other would vanish if they even dared to let go. There was desperation in seeing each other this time. Derek had been ready to give up, to throw in the towel and settle with marrying Addison. He had even been planning on looking for rings when he got back. He needed to see Meredith. Meredith had had her life turned upside down; she had been forced to come home. She needed to see Derek.

And now they were together,

"You're supposed to be in New York," Meredith repeated breathlessly as they reached the street.

"Medical conference," Derek shrugged smiling.

"Seriously? Don't you avoid those things?" Meredith asked, turning to walk down the street, her hand still firmly holding his.

"Usually. But this was Boston, I like Boston," Derek smiled some more.

"But I wasn't even supposed to be here," Meredith pointed out, sighing loudly. The sigh chased Derek's smile away. And he finally really looked at Meredith. She didn't look like his best friend, the girl who giggled and cracked jokes and had more attitude than anything else. She looked tired, she looked exhausted. She looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"What's wrong, Mer?" he asked, his concern evident in his voice.

"It's nothing," she sighed, beginning to walk along the sidewalk again. "It's…its long and boring and you don't really want to hear it."

"In other words you don't want to talk about it," Derek said, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

"In other words I don't want to talk about it," Meredith agreed quietly.

"So, another question, why didn't you call me?" Derek asked gently.

"Also long and boring and something you don't really want to hear about," Meredith giggled slightly, sadly.

"Mer, you do realize I'm not leaving till I get the answer to both those questions, right?" Derek told her.

At that Meredith giggled again. "That's not exactly the best way to make me talk. Because I really don't want you to leave."

Derek laughed, sadly. "I don't want to leave either."

They fell into a companionable silence as they weaved through the streets together, still holding hands tightly. One might think after so much time apart that words would be bubbling out of them. But they'd be wrong. Right now this was enough. They were there and they were together. There weren't even words to be said. Walking through the streets, staring at the dark store windows with the stars shining over head was enough. With each other they could just be. And it had been a long time since either felt that way.

"My mom's sick," Meredith finally whispered.

Derek immediately stopped walking, his jaw gently falling open as he forced her to stop along with him. "What? Your mom…what's wrong?"

"She has Alzheimer's. Early on set," Meredith shrugged.

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, pulling her into his arms, even as she tried to fight him off. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I haven't told anyone. I'm the only one that knows, she made me…she made me sign a paper making sure I was the only one that ever knew. And I don't know what to do anymore. I can't…I don't know how to handle this," Meredith sighed against his shoulder, blinking back tears that she had been holding back for too long.

"Than why did you tell me?" Derek asked.

"Because you're you. And you were here and when you're here things just come out. Because you're you. And I knew I shouldn't have told you. This is not your problem, telling you was stupid and I'm stupid. And this is why I didn't call," Meredith mumbled, hiding her face against his shoulder.

Derek moved his hand to tangle his fingers through her golden hair; he could feel the shoulder of his shirt beginning to dampen with her tears. "You should have called. I would have…I don't know how but I would have come, I would have been here."

"You don't want to be," Meredith sighed pulling away from him and turning to head down the sidewalk.

"What are you talking about?" Derek said, moving quickly to keep up with her.

"I've had a hard life. A really spectacularly crappy life. I've had the crappiest life possible," Meredith rambled.

Derek nodded slowly. "Mer, I know."

"No, Der, you don't," Meredith spat out. "Because this broke me, this destroyed me. I had a life. I had plans. I had amazing plans and now that's all gone. My life is gone. Because my mom went and did this. She managed to find another way to screw me over."

"Meredith…" Derek started.

"No! You don't get to say my name like that. Not now. You know how I spend my nights now, Derek, do you? Drinking. And sleeping with inappropriate men. I wake up nearly every morning in bed with a man whose name I don't know. And then I cry in the shower and think about you, because it feels like I'm cheating on you. Which is beyond messed up considering you're practically married," Meredith shouted, her shoulders shaking in suppressed sobs.

Derek felt jealousy stab through him when he thought of those men, the men that had been with his Meredith. She was his. He didn't want other men even near her, let alone in her bed. "Meredith…"

"No Derek! I'm dark and twisty now, you don't want to be with me. You don't have to pretend, just walk away. I'll understand. It will kill me…"

She didn't finish her sentence. His lips were on hers, hard and passionate. It was a passion she hadn't felt since the day outside the restaurant no matter how many other guys she had kissed in that time. They weren't Derek. None of them had been Derek. She returned his kiss, just as hard. Just as needy. They stood in the middle of a sidewalk, kissing passionately, forgetting anything else existed. He was her Derek. And she was his Meredith.

And that was enough.

_And if all the world was perfect, I would only ever want to see your scars._


	15. Chapter 15

"Derek, there should be talking," Meredith mumbled.

"There should be," Derek nodded, as he bent down and pressed a light kiss on her neck.

"Derek…" she moaned feeling a little breathless.

Somehow they had ended up back in his hotel room. They hadn't even said words, they had just stumbled along, laughing, holding hands and stopping time and time to kiss. Neither had even said where they were going, there hadn't been discussion. Just laughter and kissing, Meredith's earlier tears all but forgotten. And somehow between the laughter and the kissing they had ended up back in his hotel room.

"Meredith," he laughed, picking her up and spinning her around.

"We should talk," Meredith giggled. "I just had a meltdown in the middle of a sidewalk, we should definitely talk."

"All we do is talk," Derek groan, adjusting her in his arms to lift her up further allowing her to wrap her legs around him. "I want you naked."

"Naked? You want me naked?" Meredith laughed, leaning over and kissing him quickly.

"I have wanted you naked since 1990. That's six years, Mer," Derek groaned, carrying her toward his bed.

"So this whole friendship has been about you getting me naked?" Meredith asked, trying to sound offended as he threw her down onto his bed.

"Oh yes," Derek nodded, stretching out beside her.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd, do you want to hear the truth?" Meredith giggled, running a hand over his chest.

"And what is the truth, Ms. Grey?" Derek laughed, watching her hand.

"Getting you naked is the only reason I've kept up this sham of a…whatever it is," Meredith giggled.

"In that case we better get going," Derek smiled, rolling over and capturing her lips with his own.

It started as a light kiss, filled with laughter escaping between them. This felt too good, too right. But the kiss soon became passionate, heated as their hands traveled across their bodies, exploring the planes they had memorized the look of. He pulled her shirt over her head and trailed kisses along her heaving chest. She clawed desperately at his shirt, her hands shaking with desire. As she pulled his shirt over his head his hands traveled and pulled down her skirt.

"Mer, you're beautiful," Derek whispered, moving to unclasp her bra.

"I don't know, Der, I'm a little disappointed in you…I spent all these years hoping and…" Meredith giggled.

"Shut up," he ordered, kissing her hard to keep any other joking insult at bay. Their tongues clashed together, tasting each other desperately. He kissed her with a bruising force before pulling away and trailing small kisses down her neck, leaving one right on the spot where her neck met her shoulders, causing her to moan loudly.

"Like that, Meredith?" Derek whispered, kissing her again there, harder, gently teasing it with her tongue.

In response Meredith moaned and arched her body closer to his, brushing their bare chests together. With a small growl under his breath he shifted his head and brought one nipple into his mouth lightly teasing it with his tongue. At the same time he moved his hand down to find her swollen clit and gently rub it.

"Der…." Meredith moaned arching her back to push her pelvis closer to him. He pushed a finger inside her making her moan softly as his mouth took the other nipple and sucked hard. "Derek," she said louder.

"God, I've dreamed of this," Derek breathed, his mouth leaving her nipples and beginning to trail soft kisses along her torso, gently licking at the smooth planes. His mouth reached his hand and he peppered her inner thighs with soft kisses and gentle bites, before moving to gently lick her clit with his tongue. His mouth explored her folds as she shuddered around him, her body tightening in climax.

"Der…Der…god, Derek," she moaned as he shoved his tongue inside her pushing her over the edge, her body rocking around him.

As her body shuddered with after shocks he pulled away and quickly disposed of his pants. He was back on the bed within seconds.

"Derek, I need you now," Meredith whispered, kissing him hard.

He shifted around and thrusted into her, slowly and gently, taking his time. He could still feel her body quaking around him, aftermath of her last orgasm. He moved out again, and then in, picking up a slow but stead rhythm as she rocked against him, their lips pressed together in a passionate kiss.

"Faster," Meredith commanded against his lips.

He picked up his pace a little, pushing harder and faster with each thrust, biting his lip to hold in his own orgasm until she had came. She began to shake around him, her breath came out in small gasps.

"Derek!" she yelled as the orgasm shook her body. She tightened her legs around him, pulling him over the edge seconds later.

"Wow," he breathed, still holding her close.

"Wow," she responded.

They stayed like that for some time, sweaty limbs tangled together as their breathing and hearts returned to normal paces.

"Derek, we should talk," Meredith whispered into the darkness after some time had passed.

"No," Derek shook his head, readjusting himself to be more comfortable but still holding Meredith tightly. "Talking can come tomorrow, Mer."

"You have the conference tomorrow," Meredith pointed out.

"Oh I'm definitely blowing that off," Derek laughed.

"Oh okay…tomorrow," she responded snuggling further into Derek's arms.

"Tonight we sleep," he whispered and Meredith could hear the smile in his voice.

They laid in silence for a bit longer, till Derek thought Meredith was sleeping. "Meredith?" he whispered.

"Yeah?" she responded.

He hadn't been expecting a response, he had been sure she had drifted off. But now that she hadn't he had to find he courage to say the words he had planned in the first place. He took a deep breath. "I love you."

"I love you too, Der," Meredith responded as it was the most natural thing in the world. She was obviously half out of it, but the words made him smile anyway.

_I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now_


	16. Chapter 16

Meredith smiled as she looked at the breakfast carts surrounding her. Derek and her hadn't been able to agree on what to get for breakfast so they literally ordered everything that room service offered. She couldn't help but giggle at the memory of Derek trying to force feed her a pancake that had only resulted with syrup all over her face. It had been the perfect morning; waking up in Derek's arms, mind blowing morning sex and then a silly shared breakfast. She could definitely get used to this.

"Well you look happy," Derek sighed beside her.

"I am," Meredith giggled. "Today has been perfect. It's been…I don't know how to be this happy."

Derek laughed. "Mer, it's ten in the morning, you can't say today has been perfect at ten in the morning."

"Well I just did," Meredith laughed, kissing him quickly.

"So we should talk," Derek said.

"What? No, definitely not. No talking, I don't want to talk," Meredith pouted quickly shaking her head.

"Meredith, yesterday you wanted to put off the sex to talk. And now you don't want to. We need to talk," Derek pointed out.

"But I like bliss, I love bliss. I just want to live in bliss," Meredith urged Derek, giving him quick kisses along the face. "Isn't bliss a lot more fun than talking? I think so. Talking ruins bliss. Talking ruins everything. No talking."

Derek laughed and grabbed Meredith into his arms, rolling over until he had her pinned underneath him. "We're talking."

"You can't make me."

"Oh yeah?" Derek exclaimed. "You get no more sex until we talk."

"Seriously? Seriously?" Meredith whined. "You're withholding sex. You have wanted sex for six years and now you're withholding. Seriously? What's kind of person does that?"

"The kind of person that wants to talk," Derek laughed.

"Fine, we'll talk," Meredith groaned, wiggling out from under him. "It looks nice out today."

"That's not what we need to talk about."

"Fine," Meredith snapped. "What do we need to talk about?"

"We said things last night. Big things that kind of change everything. Everything changed last night, Meredith," Derek sighed.

"Are you taking it back?" Meredith asked him, sounding terrified that he might be.

"God no!" Derek said quickly, grabbing her hand and giving it a tight squeeze. "I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith smiled.

"And this is really really complicated," Derek groaned.

"You're in New York. And I'm in Boston. And you're basically stuck in New York and because of my mom I'm basically stuck in Boston. So basically, we can't be together. You don't have time for distance, which is fine, I get it, and well, we can't be together," Meredith rambled.

Derek pulled her close again, a pained expression on his face. "I want to be with you, Mer. More than anything."

"But it doesn't mean you can be," Meredith sighed.

"We could try….long distance, I mean. We could give it a try," Derek suggested quietly.

"No," Meredith sighed. "Der, you work 80 hour weeks, you don't get days off. You don't have time for a long distance relationship. And me, I'm dark and twisty Derek. Dark and twisty with abandonment issues and I barely know how to be in a relationship. I definitely can't do long distance."

Derek sighed as he tried to blink back tears. Because he was holding his everything in his arms, and coming to the realization that it probably wouldn't happen again. "I could transfer to Boston."

"No, you're not," Meredith shook her head quickly.

"What? Why not?" Derek asked, confused.

"Derek, I know how this surgical thing works. I lived it. I grew up with it. And New York, your program, it's one of the best. It's the best on the east coast. If you transfer, if you moved here, you'd be taking a step down. And I can't let you, you can't…not for me Derek," Meredith said, tears running down her cheeks.

"Mer, I don't care," Derek pleaded. "I just want this. I want bliss."

"So do I, Der," Meredith replied, snuggling further into his arms. "But you just…we can't do this. I can't ask you to give that all up."

"You're not asking, I'm volunteering," Derek urged.

"Derek, I know you. You…you want to be the best. Before me, before us, in your first phone calls, it's all you talked about. You wanted to be the best. And Der, you mean everything to me and I want…I want you to be the best. You deserve to be the best," Meredith sighed.

Derek felt tears run down his cheeks as he held her close, because he knew she was right. His life was in New York. He had dreamed of being the best, he needed to be the best, and she was right. But it hurt. Because everything that mattered to him was in this bed. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Meredith responded.

"Your mom is wrong, you know," Derek suddenly said.

"What?" Meredith asked, wiping away tears.

"You deserve to be happy too, you deserve the world Meredith Grey. Your mom is wrong. Don't push me away because you don't think you deserve this. You do," Derek nodded.

Meredith giggled slightly, despite her tears. "I hate you."

Derek laughed despite the wetness in his eyes. "Why?"

"You get me. Even when I don't get myself, you get me," Meredith sighed.

"I do," Derek agreed.

They laid in silence for a few minutes, her head resting against his chest as she listened to the steady beating of his heart, her tears forming wet spots on his skin. He ran his fingers through her hair as tears traced tracks down his cheeks. Neither gave into the tears, neither gave into the sobs. They didn't want to ruin this, ruin their window of time.

"Don't marry her," Meredith broke the silence.

"What?" Derek asked, his hand stopping, resting gently on her head.

"Addison. You're still with her, I know that. And it's been a really long time. But just…don't marry her. I don't even know if you were considering it. You probably weren't and I'm just…but don't. Don't marry her," Meredith pleaded.

"Why?" Derek gently asked.

"Because….because if you marry her, it kills us. It kills this. There would…we wouldn't have a chance. And even though it's complicated, I need us to have a chance," Meredith said, looking up at him and then smiling wildly. "And she's all wrong for you."

"I won't marry her," Derek smiled.

"Good," Meredith nodded, resting her head on his chest again so he could go back to stroking her hair, as they lapsed back into silence.

"Meredith," Derek whispered sometime later.

"Yeah?" came the quiet response.

"Do you believe in fate?" Derek asked.

Meredith giggled slightly. "Yes. And one of us did something before we met to really piss it off. I blame you."

"What? How do you blame me?" Derek asked, laughing as he shifted her so she was beside him.

"I was in high school when we met. I was far too young to have pissed off fate, this is all your fault," Meredith explained.

"Well then," Derek sighed, kissing her quickly.

"So what about me believing in fate?" Meredith asked.

"Us, we're fate, Mer," Derek smiled. "We ran into each other on an elevator in a busy hospital that neither of us is usually at. And then after you had written me off, we bumped into each other at a bar in a city neither of us was supposed to be in. That's fate."

"You think?" Meredith questioned.

Derek nodded, smiling and looking quite sure of himself.

"You don't care about all the inappropriate men?" Meredith asked, sounding nervous.

"I want to kill every single on of them for daring to touch you, but it doesn't make me love you any less. It….I don't want you hurting like that," Derek sighed, causing Meredith to snuggle further into his arms.

"And you think we're fated to be together?" Meredith asked, Derek could hear the smile in her voice even though he couldn't see her face.

"Definitely. One day, we'll work. We'll find a way to exist," Derek nodded.

"Good," Meredith smiled. And then sighed. "Can we go back to bliss now? Just for today?"

"Of course," Derek answered. "What do you want to do?"

_Because maybe, you're gonna be the one who save me? And after all, you're my wonderwall._


	17. Chapter 17

Mark had abandoned him. He had seen some tall leggy blonde model type and had completely disappeared. It was his usual stunt but tonight it annoyed him. Something about walking alone during Independence Day celebrations seemed depressing. Especially in his small town, it just seemed…lonely. Of course he should have probably tagged along with one of his sisters, but of once he had wanted to believe that Mark wouldn't leave him.

Walking alone was his punishment,

His loneliness couldn't be blamed on Mark though. Boston, he could blame his loneliness on Boston.

It had been a year, just over a year since they had shared bliss. He still remembered that last day in great detail. He remembered every single moment of that day. And he held onto the memory. He held onto it desperately, down to the final kiss goodbye.

Meredith.

He swore he saw her just now, walking through the crowd, her dirty blonde hair being tossed by the gentle wind. Lavender, the air around her would smell like lavender and her green eyes would be laughing, as they always were when he was around. He didn't think anything of seeing her. He did all the time. And part of him wondered if he was at least partially crazy. The other part didn't really care.

"Der…Derek?" he heard a voice behind him.

A voice he knew well but one that should definitely not be here.

He didn't bother greeting her, he just pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard, his tongue finding easy acceptance into her mouth. It didn't even occur to him to see if she was with someone. She was his Meredith and she was exactly where she belonged. She moaned softly, her hands tangling in his hair as his found her ass and pulled her close to his growing erection. He was yet to even say one word to her, but he was ready to take her right where they were kissing.

Eventually she pulled back, giggling softly as her head found the familiar spot on his shoulder, their hearts beating hard against each other's.

"Hey Mer," Derek laughed, rubbing her back as he held her close.

Meredith giggled and kissed him again. It was soft, quick, kind of like a habit. Like they'd be doing it every day for the rest of their lives. "Hey Der!"

"What are you doing in Maine?" Derek asked, smiling at her.

"My friend…" Meredith said looking around her for where her friend might have disappeared to. "A friend from college. She um…she grew up near here and she invited me. What…what are you doing here?"

"Hometown," Derek smiled.

"I didn't know you were from Maine," Meredith said, gazing at their hands that were still clasped.

"There's a lot you don't know, Mer," he whispered to her in response.

Silence fell between them as they took each other in, noting the differences that had taken place over the last year. Derek's hair was cut short, while Meredith's was a little longer. But besides that, everything was the same; the way his eyes sparkled with happiness, the way she smiled at him. Everything was the same.

"Addison," Meredith finally blurted just as they had started leaning towards each other again. "How's Addison?'

"No idea," Derek shrugged. "We broke up."

"What? When?" Meredith questioned, her eyes wide.

"The day after I got back from Boston," Derek nodded.

"What? Why?" Meredith sputtered. "You, you definitely didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. She wanted to get married," Derek sighed. "And I'm waiting. Until life figures itself out."

"Oh," Meredith nodded as they started walking together, holding hands. They fell together easily, they always did. When they were together it was like no time had passed since the last time. Everything between them was comfortable, warn in, perfect. They always managed to fit.

"I'm done my residency this year," Derek told her.

"I know," Meredith giggled. "I'm proud, Der. I really am."

"Thanks," Derek smiled, squeezing her hand. "I was thinking…I'm not a resident anymore. I could transfer Mer."

"Oh," Meredith cleared her throat." I umm…you shouldn't Derek. You really shouldn't. And well, it's not that I…I want you. I mean I want to be with with and transfer, but, right now, not good. It's just, it's bad timing Derek."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Derek asked, his eyebrows steeped in confusion.

"No, no," Meredith mumbled shaking her head.

"Good, no boyfriend," Derek said with a tiny half smile. "Why is it bad timing?"

"Umm….I'mgoingtomedicalschool," Meredith said rather quickly.

"You're what?" he asked, stopping to look at her.

"I…in September…I'm starting at umm….medical school," Meredith mumbled looking down.

"Mer!" Derek exclaimed, kissing her quickly and pulling her into his arms for a tight hug. "Congrats!"

Meredith snuggled into his arms, not letting go and he didn't move to let go, even though the park was filled with people around them. "Der…" Meredith started, taking a deep breath. "No one's really…I mean my friends have been great and supportive, but I needed you. I needed to tell you, to hear that from you."

"You should have called," Derek laughed.

"It's been so long since I called, you probably, I figured you would have changed your number by now," Meredith shrugged.

"I can't," Derek sighed. "I thought about it, but…you…if you and I are fated to be together I need to keep every avenue open."

"Seriously?" Meredith giggled. "That's just cheesy. I think your sister's made you watch too many romantic movies or something."

Derek gazed at the giggling blonde in his arms. She looked happy, content and relaxed. She was nothing like the angry pink haired girl that he had met on the elevator even though he loved this one just as much. But she had changed completely. And he was in complete awe of who she had become.

"What are you looking at?" Meredith suddenly asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"An angry pink haired teenager," Derek laughed.

"I wish I could make you forget about that," Meredith groaned rolling her eyes.

"Oh no," Derek shook his head, kissing her quickly. "That is definitely something our children will hear all about."

"Children?" Meredith asked, looking a little worried.

"Children," Derek nodded.

"So what about my pink hair?" Meredith sighed, adjusting herself in his arms as the lights in the park dimmed, indicating that the fireworks were about to started.

"You've changed so much," Derek explained. "When I met you, all I could think about how you were beautiful in all your anger. You buzzed with it. And now, you're this tiny giggly blonde thing that fits perfectly in my arms. It's just…it's nice to see."

"I'm not giggly, this isn't me," Meredith sighed. "Or maybe…I don't…when I'm with you, the second I'm with you, everything just feels different. I'm happy…here. But with…without you, it's not that good."

"Mer…" Derek began.

"No, don't. Don't worry about me. I'm fine, I am. The one night stands, the drinking, it's slowed down. And I'm fine. I survive, I'm just not…I'm not the giggly girl you think I am."

Derek nodded pulling her close as the first firework exploded overhead. "Shouldn't you go find your friends?"

"No, I'm…perfect," Meredith said, leaning close to him.

They watched the fireworks overhead as she rested her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close. They didn't talk, just watched the explosions overhead enjoying the way their bodies pressed together. Derek saw Mark standing with the blonde, giving him weird looks but Derek didn't bother to move. Meredith saw her friends giving her the same look but she didn't move either. They just watched the fireworks, enjoying the feeling of being together.

"Mer?" Derek said, as the fireworks were ending.

"Yeah?" Meredith whispered, not wanting to move from the spot in his arms.

"I still love you."

"I still love you too."

Meredith saw her friends gesturing for her to join them and she gave Derek a quick sad smile.

"You have to go?" Derek asked.

"Sorry, I don't…I definitely don't want to but…" Meredith trailed off.

"It's okay," Derek nodded. "You do realize this is another point towards fate?"

Meredith giggled. "I know. But right now…I'm going to be in med school and you have a busy schedule and time and we just…"

"Relax, I know," Derek brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Four years from now, we're going to work at the same hospital. I swear."

"Fate, right?" Meredith nodded.

"Fate," Derek said, stepping close to her and pressing his lips against hers in a long passionate kiss, their tongues dancing together, before they pulled apart. "Don't be afraid to call."

"I won't," Meredith shook her head before turning to run to her friends.

_And if you wonder, about the spell I'm under, it's your love._


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry this took so long...and I won't ramble as it's been two months since an update. This takes place 2 years after the last one.**

Meredith stared at the portable phone in her hands. It was just a quick call, she had made it before. Not in years, but it wasn't like this was her first time calling the number. She should just dial the number and get it over with. The phone wasn't going to bite her, it wasn't going to attack her. It would be fine. Although she was starting to wonder why she had even thought of this idea in the first place. It was definitely not a good idea, and something made her wonder if she was tempting fate or something.

Maybe she shouldn't call. Calling a man she hadn't talked to in two years to ask him to be her date to a wedding was silly. And stupid.

She wouldn't call.

"You still haven't called, have you?" Cristina, who was home from school for the summer, asked.

"Ummm…." Meredith began, fidgeting under her best friend's watchful eye. "I've decided…I think…I'm not calling him."

"What?" Cristina asked. "I've had to hear about him every day for nine years, you're calling him."

"I can't," Meredith sighed. "It's crazy and I can't. I haven't seen him in two years and it's crazy. I can't…no, calling him is stupid and it's crazy. I don't even know why I thought, no. He probably, he doesn't want me to call. And he won't want to come. It's…I'm not calling him."

"Fine, be sad and miserable at the wedding" Cristina shrugged. "It's a wedding, you're not supposed to be happy."

"Cristina!" Meredith groaned. "You're supposed to convince me to call."

"Okay, call," Cristina said, sounding perplexed.

"But I can't," Meredith replied. "What if he says no? What if he has a girlfriend?"

"Meredith, seriously?" Cristina sighed, taking a seat beside her. "Fine, I'll do that Izzie thing whatever. From what you've said, repeatedly I might add, this Derek guy is a complete cheese ball that believes in fate and happy endings. It makes me want to McVomit but if it works for you, whatever."

"Derek's not a cheese ball," Meredith giggled.

"Fate, Mer, the man believes in fate," Cristina argued.

"Okay, maybe he is," Meredith laughed. "So I should call him, right? Calling him isn't bad, stupid and well desperate?"

"Oh it's desperate," Cristina laughed. "But yes, you should call him. Mainly because I'll be miserable enough at the wedding, I don't need you whining all night."

Cristina got up then, leaving Meredith alone, staring once again at the phone in her hands. Cristina was right, Derek believed in fate and true love and all that other crap. He'd want her to call, he wouldn't say no. Calling the man she loved wasn't stupid or crazy. Even if it had been two years since she had seen him. It was Derek. And with him…none of that normal stuff mattered that much, nothing seemed odd or strange or….it was just them.

Biting her lip she quickly dialed the number that had always stuck in her head.

"Hello?" Derek responded on the other end.

"D..Derek?" Meredith asked.

"Mer," he said. Meredith could hear the smile in his voice. "I can't say I was expecting to hear from you."

"Well yeah…" Meredith cleared her throat. "You told me to call, so I called. And well umm…"

"Mer, I'm thrilled to hear from you," Derek sighed, dropping onto his couch. "So thank you for calling. Unexpected but wonderful."

"So…. how's umm…life?" Meredith asked.

"Life is mediocre," Derek sighed. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Meredith whispered.

"How's life with you?" Derek asked.

"Life is…" Meredith started, sighing loudly. "It's a mess. I hate med school, it's hard and I don't sleep as much as I want. And it's hard. And you…you, I can't even be with other guys because they aren't you. My mom ...she's….life is…messy."

"Mer…" Derek said, his voice gentle. "You can…I can be there, I can transfer and maybe…"

"No, Derek, you can't," Meredith stated. Derek could see her quickly shaking her head. "That's not why I called."

"Why did you call?" Derek asked. "I mean, besides the fact you can't live without hearing my voice."

Meredith giggled softly. "There's a wedding, and you don't have to come. But my friend, Izzie, she's getting married. So there's a wedding and you can say no, don't feel you have to say yes because it's fate, just…you don't have to. At all, but I was wondering…doyouwanttocomewithme?"

"Meredith Grey, did you just ask me on a date?" Derek laughed.

"You don't have to laugh about it," Meredith snapped. "But…umm…you know, other guys and you, I can't. So I thought…you know what? This is stupid, you don't have time and this was stupid. Pretend I didn't call, or didn't ask or something. Just…"

"Mer, when is it?" Derek asked cutting her off.

"Next month, on the 15th," Meredith answered.

"I'll be there," Derek told her, smiling. "I would love to be there.'

"But you have work, brains to cut open, lives to save. Work," Meredith tried to argue.

"Other people can save lives, I can take off time to go see you," Derek simply shrugged.

"Oh…okay," Meredith replied.

"Feeling like life just got a little less messy?" he asked her.

"Life is…yeah," Meredith said, giggling slightly, causing a smile to light up Derek's features.

"Listen, I have to go but I will call you soon to work out the details, okay?" he said.

"Okay," she nodded.

"Mer," Derek sighed into the phone. "I love you."

"I love you too," she giggled.

And then they both hung up, smiles on their faces as they started their days apart. Apart was hell, pure hell. But the moments, the tiny moments that felt stolen away, the moments that made them both need to believe in fate, made the hell worth it. A simple phone call after two years of no communication made all the rest of the mess seem like nothing.

The bliss was worth it.

_Tell me why, I can't be there where you are, there's something missing in my heart._

**Read. Love. Review.**


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